whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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