How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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