I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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