Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
