Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
