im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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