how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
