paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
