Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
