At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
