Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
