East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
