I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
