You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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