is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
sex in a hospital.. check
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
