yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
