I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The feeling are messing with the penis
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
