i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
