My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
