I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He shit in the fireplace
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
