whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
