You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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