And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
