Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
