i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
