she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
