i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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