Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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