you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
