I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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