dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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