I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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