I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
