is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
