Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
