i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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