DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
