the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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