I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
"it" just moved
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
