Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
