You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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