I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
