Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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