i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if only i could text you this smell
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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