I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
