I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Mom said you looked used
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
