Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
