Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
...so i touched it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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