When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
