you would pick up someone in the library
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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