12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
