remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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