I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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